Dear Ladies... where are we? I remember 3 or 4 years ago (could it be 4 years already??), a band of sisters, desiring after the Lord and His will, gathered around one another in prayer, supplication and thanksgiving. We knew God had plans for our lives. Plans that stretched our imaginations, our comfort-zones, and our hearts. Look at what He's done :) I realize that if I had not known you all, I might not have had the same burning desire to live my life like there's no tomorrow. To live a life of faith and NOT survival. I'm totally serious.
Isn't that what you sometimes see when you study your surroundings? A world desperate for meaning, significance, and ultimately love. Because of God's Spirit inside of us, we know there's something wrong with that picture. Because of Christ we CAN live our lives in faith, experience His presence everyday, and find perfect security and love in a relationship with Him.
I've been so challenged by the Spirit recently about this.... About a year ago, the Lord woke me up for good! I knew when I made the choice to follow Him, and live a life of adventure and faith, that I could never go back to my old self. Thank the Lord, I accepted His offer. He gave me the opportunity to up and leave my home, my family, my job, and experience a life of total surrender. And even though it was one of the hardest things I've ever done (it literally felt like God was ripping old roots of fear out of my heart), it was also the most rewarding. So many times I wanted to freak out, to run back home, to go back to the "familiar" and "comfortable" life-style, but again, THANK GOD, I didn't. God called me out of the "boat," and I couldn't (wouldn't) go back.
Now, a year later, that same calling...to forsake the familiar and LIVE the faith... haunts me. I want God to move in the same way He did last summer, but I know He accomplishes His will differently all the time. I want to live a life of surrender, trust, and faith. I hate when idols arise in my life that always get in the way of our relationship. The god of money, the god of dependency on human relationships, the god of fear, the fear of Man. All the promises of God spoken over my life seem to disintegrate before the alters of other gods. I listen to Money, instead of the Provider, other finite men and women, over my Omnipotent God, to Fear, instead of the Spirit who says, "I have not made you a slave again unto fear" (Romans).
I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could tell you to do this or that, and your relationship with God will be all hunkey-dorey. But the fact is -- it won't.
Maybe walking with Jesus is a moment by moment journey, or day by day making choices that align with His Word and hopefully show Him off. Maybe its about letting go and letting God. Letting Him refine us, transform us into His likeness. I don't know. Tell me what YOU think....
Another question to ask oneself: How now shall we then live? If God's love is so powerful and so lifechanging, why do I still feel stuck in patterns of sin and doubt?
Abba, I want You to be my all! Come soon, Lord Jesus! We need You. Your people need Your guidance, Your leadership, and Your love. I need You! What I really want is You. No matter how I act, even if I turn and spit in Your face, which I do to my shame; what I really desire is to be loved by You, to be owned by You, to serve You, and to hopefully love You in return. Abba, I know this is the cry of my generation. Jesus, heed us. Hear our prayer from Zion, and answer like in Psalm 18. Come down from heaven, and free us from our pits of comfort and slumber, and set us free to walk powerfully in the Spirit. Abba, I know You hear me now. Abba, I know You will answer. Thank you. Amen.
Come soon, Jesus!
This is the conclusion of my mixed-up thought process. Thanks for bearing with me. I hope, if anything, it encouraged you girls to continue to ask questions, search your own heart, and seek Your Lover even more than before.
God shared something cool with me once: Seeking = See + King = See [the] King. When we seek the Lord, we seek the King. We enter the King's throneroom, and recieve the overflow of His river of blessing.
Love you all!
Steph
